I can’t remember who recommended the book, “The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over” to me. It was a while ago! Was it because I’m a professional meeting facilitator and being able to connect with people is essential to what I do? Because I’m a widowed woman who can’t imagine being “alone” for the rest of her life? Or because I’m a single golfer who routinely gets paired with random people for four-plus hours?
I don’t know the answer, but whoever recommended it was onto something. The Like Switch offers practical ideas for all of the above, and really, for any situation where you want to connect with, influence, attract, or win people over.
The book is grounded in what Schafer calls the “Friendship Formula”:
Friendship = Proximity + Frequency + Duration + Intensity
Author Jack Schafer shares numerous stories and examples illustrating each component, many of which made me nod my head and think, “Yep, I know that,” “Yep, that makes sense,” or “I can see that.”
Individually, there’s nothing particularly revolutionary going on here. HOWEVER, taken as a whole, this is a solid, well-written guide to the verbal and nonverbal ways we can connect better with people, both professionally and personally. As someone who spends a lot of time observing how people interact in meetings and groups, I found myself appreciating how he pulls all these individual behaviors and signals together into a practical system. He even throws in a bit of dating advice!
There are also two large and interesting case studies, one at the beginning and one at the end, involving an FBI agent working to “turn” a spy and obtain state secrets. I don’t anticipate needing that particular skill set anytime soon!
But the ideas behind it? Those I can use.
The Like Switch added some useful tools to my toolbox for connecting with people, reading social signals, and being more intentional about how I show up with others. Whether I’m facilitating a meeting, meeting someone new, or getting paired with a stranger on the golf course, that’s a pretty useful skill set to have.
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Kristin Arnold
KRISTIN ARNOLD, MBA, CSP, CPAE-Speaker Hall of Fame, CPF | Master has been facilitating meaningful conversations between executives and managers to make better decisions and achieve extraordinary results for 30+ years. She's a leading authority on moderating panel discussions and passionate about finding the perfect olive to complement a vodka martini.
